I just found out this morning that I had a Date on Wednesday night.
There is a woman that recently moved from home across the country to here about a month or so before I did. We had known each other only very briefly through the Polyamory Society but had not talked much. We connected through Facebook about two weeks ago and it was suggested that we get together for coffee or something.
In true Researcher (or Stalker) fashion I went to her Facebook Page and went through her pictures and comments to get a handle on who she is at least to her On-Line Self. She appeared to be a very lively soul with a great sense of self and happiness. It was refreshing. And I was very much looking forward to re-meeting her and commiserating about being alone in a new city with not many people to talk to.
I told my Wife and Girlfriend that I was going out to meet with her and they were happy for me. My Girlfriend knows her and said that she was a wonderful person and was pleased that I was getting together with her. Both women asked me point blank if it was a Date.
I hadn’t thought of that.
If it was it would be analogous to a Blind Date as even though I had technically met her before we had not really talked much. But was it a Date regardless?
I contemplated over the next couple days what the definition of a Date was.
- a. An engagement to go out socially with another person, often out of romantic interest.
“Often out of romantic interest”… well that sounded overly presumptuous given I knew so little about her. In addition it is dangerous to assume there is a romantic interest when no official Date designation has been made. There was no typically awkward (for me at least) building up of courage to ask her out and there was no overt indication that she thought it would be a date as well. Then there was the fact that she asked me over to her house. An odd place for a first Date and certainly not by the book. It was not neutral territory or designed to have me “wow” her. But then again perhaps she would want to “wow” me or perhaps there was absolutely nothing to it and it was simply two friends from away getting together out of loneliness.
I resolved to hedge my bets and not get presumptuous.
We agreed to get together on Monday Evening at her house. We discussed over Facebook Chatting that she liked Ice Wine and I went and bought a bottle for her as a gift.
Then she cancelled.
We rescheduled for the next night at her house. My Wife and Girlfriend asked again if it was going to be a date. I replied that I did not know but probably not.
Then she cancelled.
We rescheduled for the next night at her house.
I called her Wednesday afternoon and said that “it is about the time for you to call me and cancel….” She laughed and said that, no, all systems were Go for tonight.
I took a taxi to her house and she greeted me warmly. She is terribly cute and so full of life. She was pleased with the ice wine and immediately opened the other bottle of red wine I had also brought. We sat on her couch and began talking. There was the initial conversation about my background and specifically about the relationship between me, my Wife and Brother Husband and Child. We talked about her family relationships and how she moves within the Poly world. She confessed that she had Googled me as well.
We laughed. And Laughed some more.
The conversation ran very fluidly. I am not normally a very talkative person and tend to be more pensive and internal but something about being with her made the communication so very easy. We had so many things in common. As I said she is very full of life and extremely entertaining and a very good conversationalist. We sat with our legs up on the cough and she continuously adjusted her long hair. It did not appear to be a nervous issue but more of one of being comfortable. It all seemed very comfortable.
Before I knew it, it was almost midnight. We had talked for four hours nonstop. We hugged and I left with us both smiling.
I made it home again to my cat and immediately texted my wife and told her I had a fabulous time. She replied she was happy for me.
My Girlfriend asked again if it had been a Date.
I paused and replied that I was not sure.
But it certainly, the more I thought about it, Felt like a Date.
The next day I reminisced over the get-together and I recognized that I had an urge already to see her again. Perhaps it had been a Date. But that made me all the more nervous. What if I thought it was a Date and she didn’t? That would be a recipe for disaster. Potential friendships have been ruined by that kind of assumption. Feelings get hurt and there is embarrassment. As my newfound friend said that night, it would be like someone immediately assuming there would be sex involved simply because you are Poly.
I sent her a message that I had truly enjoyed myself and she immediately replied that the feeling was mutual.
Worrying about bugging her too much I still sent her another text last night asking how she was doing. This morning she replied and a series of texts ensued. She said that she had been checking my Blogs.
Then there was the confirmation: It had been a Date
With a little heart smiley.