I have written a couple poems which have made a few people worry or apprehensive about the poly life.

First of all I am pleased with these poems and people must be aware that they are a creative outlet. Not necessarily a gauge on my existence.  I write songs and had a band for several years and when I wrote a heart wrenching song about a sinking ship or a love lost or a death of someone I was not always referring to real life. Can you tell me that Elton John really thinks that Saturday is good night for fighting????

That being said there is a bit of truth in everything we write.  Even if Elton John does not go out on Saturday nights looking for a fight someone probably does.  Writing, songs, and novels are the reality of someone. They are based on some form of Truth.

Love is the most elusive and resistive of labeling. People find Love, lose Love, revel in Love, feel jealous about Love and all issue between them.

There is also a massive difference between being  “In Love” and Loving someone. When a relationship is new there is an electricity it in. There is an ache and a passion that can not be controlled or subdued.  There is an emergency and urgency to it. There is Passion that can not be dissuaded.  Making Love abounds and is frequent.

As a relationship develops and familiarity develops and the routines of bathroom behaviour and the occasional fart happens the urgency wanes.  Being “In Love”changes to simply Loving someone even if they fart or tell a terrible joke.  There is a comfort in it and the ache disappears. It is replaced with a sence of wellbeing and compatibility and reliability.

Things have just changed, not gotten worse.

It is odd that there are no songs about this kind of Love. Perhaps there are and maybe Paul McCartney has one that I can’t think of. He seems to have been the poster child of Comfort Love with his since deceased wife Linda. Liam Neesen seems to have made a career about playing a stable dad and husband in a romantic relationship that spans decades.

But this is not the norm.

Divorce often happens as does affairs when couples miss that initial Passion and New Relationship Energy (NRE). They miss that sickness and ache that comes with a new strong relationship and are easily swayed away from their partners when a whiff of it comes along.

Personally, while I love the NRE, I adore the comfort of a strong and familiar relationship. I don’t like it if it becomes a situation where it is taken for granted as has happened but that joy of coming home to the one you Love after several years is one that I cherish.

Having kids is often a path people take to solidify their relationship and possibly validate it. There is a reason why in ancient times a marriage was not a marriage until a child was conceived.  It was thought and hoped that the marriage night would procure this child or things were Wrong.  Now it is different for the most part. Many people consummate their marriage later by the birth of the first child.  Often these children mean that there is no way that the couple will separate.  My parents stayed together only up to the time that I moved out. That was perceived as their duty.  Love was not the issue. Duty was.

Then there are other reasons why Love dissipates and can vanish.  In my last marriage I was physically abused and bloodied by my Wife. At the apex of this I decided that it was not about me but my two-year old child and I did not want him growing up hearing the pain and possibly becoming a victim of it.  The Love rapidly vanished and I left.

In another relationship I left because there was no more intimacy left. We were great friends and are still today but the definition of Love also holds with it a measure of assurance that some form of intimacy would remain however infrequent.

The issue is honesty when these things happen. Be honest in the reasons you are abandoning a Love that was so strong at first. As long as you are true to yourself and true to your partner in the reasons you can rest assured you have done all you can.

Love begins with a bang and can go out with a whimper.  The true Love is one that endures and is real despite the end of the NRE.

The ability to fart and light a match and not lose the one you love.

This entry was posted in Children, Dating, Love, Marriage, Polyamory. Bookmark the permalink.

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