Polyamory makes for some hard times.
Not only can it get complicated but when things go bad they really go bad and there can be a snowball effect.
She is a very healthy person. She is vegetarian, doesn’t smoke and doesn’t drink. She has issues with all three when it comes to Her partner. She has had serious problems when substances are abused and there is little or no tolerance for them.
I am not vegetarian. But She assures me this is not a deal breaker.
I have a drinking problem.
No… it is not just a problem. I am an alcoholic.
The alcohol and the smoking, coupled with my insecurities at times caused Her to leave me on Sunday night.
I understand completely where she is coming from but it hurt more than I have hurt in a very long time. I felt emptied and alone. All the work I had been doing to build my strength after bouts of depression threatened to leave me and leave me in a very deep hole.
The conversations over email were hard to bare.
Then my Wife came into the picture. It is obvious that she has had a hard time with my new relationship and she felt that it was standing in the way of she and I rekindling our own relationship. She was upset at the things I write about and was logically comparing our marriage to the relationship with Her.
She has also tried to deal and help me through my Depression and my Drinking. But she was unsuccessful at the time.
Now with Her leaving me the issues have come to the forefront again and the emails and texts back and forth became less and less supportive and terse.
“We are done” she said finally.
“Get help”, she said.
I was hanging by my fingers over the edge of the abyss.
I understand that She and my Wife have been talking with each other and for my Wife it appears those conversations have solidified her resolve to take me out of the picture.
For Her it was the opposite effect.
She wants to help me. I understand why my Wife has given up. She is too tired and spent in trying to help me and it is almost impossible for her to keep trying not only from the distance between us but also she has nothing left.
She, on the other hand is here and also has experience with dealing with alcoholism and has decided to guide me through this.
She practically told me to go over to her house last night and I went with some apprehension. I did not want to be hurt more and seeing Her might do that. I imagined Her sitting far away on the couch and lecturing me on my issues and me leaving with more feelings of being damaged.
Instead She welcomed me with open arms and I burst into tears. I cried and talked and opened up to Her. She reciprocated and told me that our relationship could continue if I made the commitment to change. To get Help. She told me that She wanted me and wanted to make this work.
We kissed and I cried.
A Poly Intervention. And a… hopeful rebirth.