Another week has gone by and this time rather quickly. Which is good because it has been filled with temptations and realities.
I have not had a drink since things went in the toilet last week. I have not had a smoke either and that has left me edgy and preoccupied. With each passing day as I lie down to sleep I am relieved that I made it through another day. It gives me strength. The mornings come, though, and I want that smoke with my coffee. As they are fond of saying in AA: ” just another 24 hours”.
I have been meeting in coffee shops with my sponsor regularly over the past week and doing study sessions from the Big Book. He is a great man and very enlightened and his words are inspiring. The meetings have been great too, (except for one where it was chaotic and far from soothing… I won’t go back to that one.) I truly enjoy and get a lot out of listening to the Old-Timers talk openly about their trials and tribulations. It is very therapeutic.
My Wife and I are talking regularly and in soothing tones. My conversations with my Son have been good and lively. While I feel very alone here I am glad I have them to talk to. There is much support coming across the waves to me from the distance.
Aglaia has been in contact through texts recently and that is very nice. I miss her terribly. I want to be with her but I understand where I messed up and I understand why she is reluctant to pursue a relationship with me. Perhaps someday I can figure out a way to prove to her I have changed. If not, well, she will forever remain in my heart.
My weekend will probably be quiet. I will be going to another meeting tonight and then on Saturday work with my Sponsor and another meeting. We’ll see about Sunday. Other than that I am not sure what the weekend will hold for me. I would like to do some painting but we will see.
All in all I am feeling a combination of resignation and peace. I am resigned to the fact that in order for good things to happen I needed to change and my Life will never be the same. I feel a measure of Peace because I know that these changes will benefit my Life and those around me.
And there is also Hope. Hope that I will be a kind of man who deserves Love and can receive it without hurting others.